Relational Trauma
Relational trauma refers to emotionally disruptive experiences in a close relationship that threaten an individual’s sense of safety and connection. Patterns of neglect, lack of care, or verbal or emotional abuse – sometimes subtle, other times overt – can create an insecure relationship with someone who should be safe – a parent, guardian, or other caregiver. Alternatively, the absence of such a relationship because of death or divorce can cause relational trauma.
Humans are wired to seek connection and safety in relationships, whether in our family of origin or our chosen intimate partners. When there is emotional disruption, a lack of safety and connection will often create mental health symptoms and stress responses.
It is common for these individuals to begin therapy with complaints of depression, anxiety, and high stress levels. An assessment of past experiences and the nature of someone’s closest relationships can help your counselor understand how relational trauma is at the root of our difficult present-day experiences.
At Sage Mind Wellness, we take a holistic approach to determining treatment through a trauma-informed perspective.
We understand the importance of exploring how we have dealt with difficult relationships and the healing that is necessary to grow and evolve.
When we talk about trauma, we usually think of singular, emotionally disturbing events. Often referred to as "Big T" trauma, these events cause negative mental health symptoms that require attention and treatment. The diagnosis of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) can sometimes capture the understanding of how a one-time traumatic event impacts an individual's mental health.
Some events and life experiences, however, impact individuals in a negative way but aren't captured by the diagnosis of PTSD. There is extensive and ongoing research on the idea that a multitude of smaller traumatic experiences can impact mental health, and treatments are currently being developed among the mental health community. Although we don’t yet have the diagnostic language, we understand that this type of trauma is often experienced as a collection of patterned events and challenges in relationships.
“Little T” trauma
A consistently unmet need, such as a lack of understanding of your emotional experience or a stressor like constant criticism, particularly in your family of origin, can lead to “little T” traumas. Repeating this pattern can be painful and lead to feelings of low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and dissatisfaction with life.
Highly functional people and those with an overall positive experience of their upbringing and childhood occasionally experience a lack of alignment and feel distressed by patterns in their adult relationships. We come out of these “little T” experiences in our family of origin with patterned behavior that appears to be strength in managing life’s stressors but can also be a challenge. At Sage Mind Wellness, we feel strongly that simply “managing” and “coping” with this “little T” trauma are not effective strategies.