Relationship with Addiction
Addiction is more than just a behavior to stop. It’s often something that developed over time as a way to cope with a deeper pain or sense of emptiness.
For many of my clients, substances become a way to manage anxiety, quiet their mind, cope with stress, avoid painful emotions, or feel some sense of relief or control.
While we will work toward reducing or stopping use, that’s not the only focus.
The work is really about helping you understand the role substances have been playing in your life. We’ll get curious about patterns, triggers, and what tends to come up before and after use, while also exploring what substance use may be helping you manage or avoid, and what feels hard to sit with when it’s not there.
We’ll also begin building more effective ways of coping that feel less disruptive to your life and more sustainable. Many people find that stopping isn’t actually the hardest part. The harder part is maintaining that change when life continues to bring stress, emotions, and triggers.
Substance use is often tied to how you’ve learned to relate to yourself and others, and when emotional needs haven’t been met consistently, or relationships have felt unsafe or overwhelming, substances can start to feel like a more reliable way to regulate, soothe, or disconnect.
My approach isn’t about telling you to “just stop” or assuming it’s a discipline or willpower issue.
I recognize there’s usually a real push and pull. Part of you wants something different, and another part of you keeps going back to what feels familiar or relieving.
We will look at both sides of that. We’ll add structure and skill-building to help you manage urges, tolerate distress, and interrupt patterns of use. At the same time, we’ll explore what’s underneath it. The emotional stuff, the relational stuff, and the patterns that didn’t just come out of nowhere. We’ll look at how you’ve learned to relate to yourself and others.
Things like closeness, distance, trust, and emotional safety. For a lot of people, substances end up filling a gap, especially when connection or regulation hasn’t felt consistent or reliable in relationships. There’s often a lot of shame around use, so we’ll focus on helping you understand your behavior in a way that reduces self-blame, builds self-compassion, and still supports meaningful change.
Who is this for?
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Are starting to question their relationship with alcohol or substances
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Notice patterns they can’t seem to break
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Are high-functioning on the outside but struggling privately
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Go back and forth between wanting something different and slipping into what feels familiar
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Are in recovery and realizing there’s more underneath their use that needs attention
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Don’t fully identify with the word “addiction,” but know something isn’t working and want to understand it better
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Are dealing with anxiety, stress, relationship issues, or just feeling disconnected from themselves
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Feel stuck not just in their behavior, but in how they relate to themselves and others
Sessions are offered both virtually and in person.
Some people prefer the flexibility of virtual sessions, while others benefit from the structure and accountability of coming into the office. We can figure out together what makes the most sense based on what you need.
How it Works
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Process starts with a 10-15 minute phone consultation. This is a chance to get a sense of what’s been going on, what you’re looking for, and to make sure it feels like a good fit on both sides.
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Our initial sessions are focused on understanding your patterns, triggers, and relationship with substances, along with how you tend to respond to stress, emotions, and relationships
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We will then start building coping skills, increasing awareness, and getting into the deeper emotional and relational patterns underneath your behavior. You don’t have to feel fully ready to change to start. A lot of people come in feeling unsure or ambivalent. That’s completely okay. My goal is to meet you wherever you are and go from there.
Modalities
Is about slowing things down and helping couples see the patterns they get stuck in. We look at what’s happening underneath reactions (emotions, fears, and unmet needs that aren’t always being said out loud). From there, the work is helping partners communicate those things more openly and respond to each other in ways that build safety and connection. When substance use is part of the relationship, we look at how it fits into that cycle.
One partner might use to cope, shut down, or avoid, while the other responds by pursuing, criticizing, or pulling away. Over time, this creates a lot of disconnection and mistrust. Goal is to help both partners understand what’s really going on underneath that and start interacting in a different way.
EFT
DBT Therapy is where a lot of the practical tools come in. When you’re trying to change your relationship with substances, you need something to replace what they were doing for you. This includes skills for getting through urges, tolerating distress, and managing emotions without acting on them.
DBT also focuses on balancing acceptance and change, helping you learn to be more compassionate with yourself while still learning to change your behavior. It’s especially helpful if your emotions feel intense or hard to manage, or if you find yourself knowing what to do but struggling to follow through.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
Focuses on processing past experiences that may still be impacting you now. Often, substance use is connected to unresolved experiences, negative beliefs people have about themselves, or things they haven’t fully worked through. EMDR helps reduce the intensity of those experiences so they’re not creating the same level of distress.
